I
woke up feeling absolutely terrible yesterday! My body was aching from the
horrible cold I’ve caught as well as my usual morning sickness. There is no way
I could have gone to work, I definitely needed some time off. I’ve literally
spent the last two days in bed sleeping eating and thinking! I am finally
starting to have clear thoughts about what we can do. I have decided that I
would like to carry the babies through the pregnancy no matter what happens at
the end… PHEW, it feels good to finally say that and know that it’s what I
want. This really is too much of a special gift to bring myself to terminate or
selectively reduce the pregnancy. Anyone who knows me will know my personality.
I live for the moment and thrive on new experiences in my life. How would I possibly
forgive myself for not taking the opportunity which has presented itself to me
like this? It’s a crazy and difficult one but it has been placed in my hands
and so I am going to let nature do what it did to get me into this situation! I
trust that what is meant to be will be and I know that I have the strength of
my husband, family and friends to help me along the way. I’ve been told by
Tamba that the hospital will strongly advise me to selectively reduce, but this is
something that I can’t consider. How can you possibly choose between one
baby and another? My mind boggles at the thought. I have also finally received
a letter from the specialist today. I have been given an appointment for 8th
Nov (13 weeks) I wish it was sooner! There are so many questions in my head. I
also spent some time looking into adoption today. This is another very
difficult path which I don’t necessarily want to consider but I need to
consider and understand all options. If over the next 5 months we are not able
to work out a plan for generating an income to support our new family of 7 then
we need to be open to other options. It’s not very well documented or I just
don’t really understand how it works but as far as I can see you would make the
adoption agency aware of your situation as soon as possible and then you would
receive advice and counselling. I think it is saying that you would have up to
3 months after the baby is born to make a decision.
Wow,
this is such a difficult decision, but it really makes me appreciate the very
hard decision my biological mother would have made and the mental struggle
she must have gone through after carrying me for 9 months to then have to give
me up. I have a lot of respect for the concept of adoption and my decision to
rather carry the babies and give someone else the gift of children rather the
terminating really makes me feel a lot better. I just need to understand how
Mart feels about this as I think I’m finally finding the strength it takes to
continue with this pregnancy! I am so relieved that I now have a clear path and
solution in my head, this has been such a difficult 10 days.
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