WK10: Day 3 - I'm So Confused

I'm back at work and I really want to tell everyone but know I can`t until I fully come to terms with it and decide on what we are going to do. Im not sure what`s going to help me decide and just hope time will tell. All I know is that I can`t wait to long as my belly is growing by the day and I don`t know how I would face losing it. I’m definitely getting attached. My mind is completely consumed, I’m trying to work but when I can I am looking on the internet for any information I can on the subject. I keep thinking why me! How have I managed to be that 1 in 750 000!!!! My life seems to be some kind of crazy fairground ride, at least I can say there’s never a dull moment, but I really wish that sometimes I didn’t have to face some of these life changing challenges. It would be nice to have some daily norm for once.

These feelings aren’t really helped by all the conflicting things I read and with so many risks for the babies and I, this really isn't going to be an easy pregnancy. The babies are likely to be born anything from 28 weeks onwards, which makes the risk of birth defects and prematurity problems really high! The information I found on neo-natal care also makes me sad, the thought of the babies being in incubators for such a long time and not being able to touch or feed them is heart breaking. Honestly, I’m scared! I’m trying to be strong and carry on with work, but at the same time trying to make one of the hardest life changing decisions I will ever have to make.