Angel Care

These wonderful people deserve a very special mention as they have kindly donated us a quad buggy this week. The Bristol based company run by Mr and Mrs Holbrook does outstanding work in the community, caring for and supporting children, young people and adults, enabling them to be independent and assisting them with their day to day needs. After hearing our story they wanted to help as they know first hand just how difficult day to day care can be. This is the most amazing kindness from them as it now allows me to get out of the house on my own. Some may think this is mad, but in fact i’ve found getting some fresh air, even if it just walking around the block makes such a difference. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Angel Care website: http://www.angelcaresupport.co.uk

The boys look super cute in their new wheels 

Time Flys By...

After a long absence I'm back! It’s time to dust away the cobwebs and throw myself a little welcome back party as I have missed sharing my journey with all of you so much! I never thought I would leave such a huge hole in my blog diary but it can only be an honest reflection as to what the last 2 months have been like. Anyone close to me who’s been part of my little stars lives so far knows how hard this has been for us, but I'm pleased to say it feels like things are getting ever so slightly better.

I was never under any illusion that looking after 4 babies was going to be easy. It certainly wasn’t an easy decision all those months ago when I had the heart wrenching conversation with my consultant about how I was going to continue with my pregnancy. When I first found out we were expecting quads I didn’t tell a soul, I had to come to terms with what it actually meant. It took the  next two weeks trying to work out how and if we could manage for me to come to the decision to put my faith in myself and my four little foetuses (as they were then) and go ahead come what may.  Looking back now the risk we took was huge, but I always had faith that things happen for a reason and some how we would survive, mentally and financially. Well now we’re four months in, going though 30 nappies and a tin of formula a day, trying to survive on 2 hours of broken sleep a night wondering just how we are going to continue. Some days are better than others but I never planned for the sheer exhaustion and mental struggle from the sleep deprivation that after a while starts to distort everything and makes even the simplest task seem like an up hill battle. We are blessed to have such kind family, friends, volunteers and people in the community without whos help we just wouldn’t have been able to get as far as we have, but with the majority of our family in South Africa we are doing most of the care ourselves.

It’s very hard coming to the realisation that you are not going to be able to manage as well as you had initially hoped. You can go into something with all the enthusiasm and determination in the world but when you haven’t slept properly for months it really doesn’t seem as doable. We’ve really had to step back, swallow our pride and reach out for help and support from as many people as possible. We first went to our local services to find help however the journey to date has been a challenge and although we have seem to have made some progress in the last week, there is still nothing immediately available. It’s quite incredible to think that another mother of quads who I have been so lucky to meet through this experience was given a 5 night a week night nurse and a full time nanny for a couple of years. Granted that it was 10 years ago, but it just shows how times have changed. It’s very sad to know how rare our circumstance and how desperate our need, yet it seems to be virtually  impossible to access anything. With Martin still working part time and both of us near breaking point we were so lucky to have a dear friend set up a fundraising campaign to raise money for some childcare. The kindness of those who have donated was enough to get us 10 nights of help. It really has been a true blessing and at last I am starting to see a little more clearly. I just want to thank everyone for their love and kindness, you really have made such a difference to our lives. The wonderful ladies from `Baby Angels` who have been helping me have not only come in and helped with the childcare they have  also sorted out an amazing day/night routine which I was struggling to do on my own. The boys seem to be taking to their new schedule and had their first long sleep of 6 hrs this week which is just incredible. When you have been feeding day and night every three to four hours an extra couple seems huge!

All the hardship aside, it’s the little things that my beautiful stars do that make it all so worthwhile, they are truly amazing! They have grown and developed so well since coming home from hospital and have now reached and surpassed the milestones for their corrected age of 10 weeks old (based on when they should have been born). Their medication has been stopped and due to them all being over 11lbs in weight we have just changed over from premature formula to big boy milk. I found great pleasure in buying their first tin of Cow&Gate. We have also recently had the amazing experience of first smiles in all the boys, which has been so special. They chuckle away at the silliest things.I look at them everyday and I still can’t believe how gorgeous and healthy they are, it's quite mind blowing. It’s amazing what the human body can do.

I just want to thank everyone for being part of our journey and giving up their time to come and help us wherever they can. There are a few people that I want to give a special mention to as they have really touched our lives and made things that little bit easier. Over the next few posts I will be mentioning these kind people.

Here are some recent pics of my stars. It’s amazing to compare the shot of them all together at 4 weeks to them now at 5 months old. They have grown so much. 

 Ru, Josh, Sam, Zac 5 months old

Josh, Zac, Ru, Sam 4 weeks old

Zac having a chuckle

Trying to keep cool from the seroius summer heat

Our First Outing

Hasn’t the weather we’re having just been amazing! We even managed to venture out of the house for the first time last week which was even better. I’ve started getting cabin fever from all the long days and nights spent at home just feeding and sleeping, and so the first chance we had I took the opportunity to get out with the family.

Operation Park was a lot less of a stress than I had first thought it may be, but it did involve help from two nannies, Granny and Aunty Bron. All snuggled in their buggies (two doubles as the quad buggy I looked at was just to big and shouted look at me!!!) we set of with Luke on his balance bike to the park which is only 5 mins away. As the boys are still on a lot of meds we aren’t able to feed whilst out at the moment so it needs to be in-between feeds. We we had about a two hour window and we made the most of all the time we had. Luke was so excited to be going to the park with mummy and his brothers as the last month he’s not had the pleasure. It was amazing to spend some time together.

We did get some funny looks from people as we wondered through, but thankfully no-one stopped us to ask the million and one questions I've answered time and time again. I know people are just trying to be friendly but I just wanted some time with the family and to get to the park and back without to much hassle. Thankfully we were able to!

The boys continue to grow by the day and are now; Sam 8lbs 8oz, Ru 8lbs 4oz, Zac and Josh 7lbs 11oz. They have quite bad reflux at the moment so a lot of time is spent winding and moping up sick but despite this it thankfully hasn’t had any impact on their weight gain. We have been very lucky to have Marts mum and aunt with us over the last 6 weeks to help with the mass of washing and feeding but they sadly go home today. Thanks Granny and Anuty Bron for all the love and help over the last 6 weeks we're really going to miss you! We also have help at the moment from trainee students during the day who are just fantastic! Thanks girls for all the hard work, you are making life a lot more bearable at the moment. The students will be going off for the summer hols so we won’t have anyone for 3 months until the colleges start back again. I wanted to put it out there for anyone who would be interested in coming to help with the care of the boys from July to Sep we are desperately looking for some willing volunteers. 

 Off we go

Left to right: Sam, Josh, Ru & Zac

Sam

Zac

Ru

Josh

Luke riding the ramps in the skate park

Luke driving the park quad

It's my due date today!

As I sit here with a baby in my arms I can't help reflect on how different my life is now, Its these rare moments when I can actually stop for 5 mins from the continuous action and busyness which now fills each 24hr period that others call a day. There is no day or night for me any more, just 4 hour blocks in which I may or may not be able to grab an hour or twos sleep. The number 4 now seems to run my life, 4 moses baskets, 4 blankets, 4 bottles every 4 hours, the list goes on... Honestly it’s crazy!

Today is actually a very special day, my due date, the 15th May!. We were all discharged from St Michaels hospital 3 weeks ago after an 8 week stay. It’s quite incredible  how quickly it went and the fact that I brought all my little stars home together. It nearly didnt happen as Josh was still on a tiny bit of oxygen right up until 3 days before we left. I kept being told that I would only be taking Sam, Ru and Zac home which was very difficult to try and come to terms with. I had given birth to four babies and wanted to take four babies home! The thought of leaving him there on his own made me cry, but thankfully he suddenly turned a corner as was able to come off his oxygen and was ready to go on our discharge day. The sense of emotion and achievement I felt when I put them into their cars seats was overwhelming. All those months in hospital before hand and the 8 weeks in the neonatal unit were finally coming to an end and all my boys were fit and healthy. Where had the last four months of my life gone!

Home life is amazing but incredibly hard. We are slowly getting used to our new lives and so is their big brother. He has been amazing with them and although he isn't particularly fused by their presence and obviously feels a little left out at times you can see that he is starting to enjoy them. He even went over to Zacs cot yesterday and told me he needed to pat him to make him feel better which I though was so sweet.

I  think in the last 3 weeks Martin and I have managed about 3 nights of sleep in the same bed. When we first came home the idea was to take the moses baskets upstairs every night, but we soon realised that traipsing up and down the stairs three times night to make bottles and trying to find a comfortable position to feed on the bed wasn't going to work. Not to mention the boys new found lungs, you certainly know when four boys are hungry! and we didnt want Luke to suffer for it. We have resorted to taking it in turns to sleep upstairs with the other sleeping with the boys in the lounge. It’s quite a lonely arrangement but it has to be done and saves up about 20mins on feeding times which equates to more sleep!I don't think I’ve ever been so time efficient in all my life, trying desperately to cut any unnecessary time from the process where I can.  

We are slowly getting into some kind of routine and most of the time we manage to stick to it. I say most of the time as there are some days when everything just goes wrong and you end up with four screaming babies a ton of dirty nappies and more sicky clothes than your washing machine can handle.

The boys are thriving though (their latest weights are; Sam - 7lbs 1oz, Ru -  6lbs 13oz, Zac - 6lbs 9oz and Josh 6lbs 8oz)  and they’re really starting to wake up and be more alert between feeds. We had a visit from the health visitor today and she thinks it wont be long before we start seeing some smiles, I can't wait! I remember with Luke how amazing it felt when he first smiled, so I feel very privileged to be able to experience that four times over!

Ready for home

 

Dad with Zac and Josh

Luke and Sam

 Sam

Zac

Josh

Ru

Having a cuddle

Nap time

Day 44 - Transitional Care

It’s been really hard trying to come to terms with everything happening in my world outside of my babies so I'm sorry for the silence! As much as I’ve needed and wanted to grieve properly I've just had to stay strong for the sake of my family. I also know deep down this is what my brother would have wanted!

Since my last update at a lot has happened... I suppose the first bit of excitement happened two weeks ago when all the boys were moved from High Dependency up to Special Care (the final low dependency room in NICU). I still can’t believe in 5 short weeks they have progressed so much, the time has literally flown by! After the first week in Special Care Sam and Ru were taken off all monitors other than an apnea monitor which monitors their heartbeat, and they were all moved from incubators into cots. I then had great pleasure in giving them their first oral feed by bottle, a major milestone for a prem baby as this is when their suck, swallow and breath reflex kicks in! They have all taken to it amazingly well. I’ve unfortunately had a bit of a personal set back with my expressing and due to problems with my breasts I’ve had to stop all expressing and breastfeeding. It was a very sad thing to decide to do but I just felt that I needed to be fit and well for my boys and the best thing to do was to formula feed them instead. I luckily managed to express and freeze a large amount of breast milk when I was expressing so currently they are on half formula and half breast milk so their digestive system can learn to tolerate it. They have gained a great amount of weight too and are now between 4lb 11oz and 5lb.

Josh and Zac have had a little bit of a difficult time since being moved. They picked up another infection which has had a knock on to their breathing and caused other blips in their progress. They had to go back onto oxygen, have a blood transfusion and start diuretic medication to relieve severe water retention. I have found this very unnerving at times but they seem to be doing a lot better now and have actually just had their oxygen turned off today. 

The biggest news in the last couple of days though has to be Sam and Ru’s discharge out of NICU onto the Transitional Care ward at the hospital! I have been waiting for this day for a very long time. So I'm now readmitted on the ward with them starting the final stretch before we go home. The point of Transitional Care is to establish their feeding and get me used to handling them etc. Because they are still so small taking a bottle really wears them out so they have to gradually build up to having a bottle at every feed. Currently they are have alternate bottle feeds and tube feeds. As soon as they are taking all feeds by bottle we can go home. I don’t know how long that will be but hopefully not more than two weeks. I am also crossing all fingers and toes that their bothers will be well enough to come and join them up here so we can all be discharged together, if they’re not we’ll either have to come back when they’re ready or they’ll be discharged straight from NICU which is not ideal. 

The last 48 hours have been crazy looking after the boys properly for the first time. Ward 76 is a very hands off ward, the policy is the staff are here to help when you need it but they let you do the care on your own. I have literally had about 6 hours sleep in the last two nights. My new routine is nappy changing, feeding, winding, sleeping and then starting all over again. I literally start one off and as soon as I'm done I start the next and by the time I’m finished I have 40mins to an hour before I have to start again. If and when Josh and Zac come up here I am going to have to get some help as there is physically no way I am going to be able to feed them all and get sleep!

I have tons more to tell you but I have to go and prepare Sam’s next feed before I start running behind! Until the next time...

Uncle Ru We’ll Miss You

The angels above have once again chosen another path for someone I dearly love. Today I say goodbye to my dearest brother Rupert (super uncle to my 5 stars) who passed away on Saturday after a year long battle with cancer. He put up such a good fight I honestly never thought we would loose him. Ru I’m desperately sad that you never got to meet my boys, but we’ll do you proud I promise. I love you and I’ll miss you every day!

To Phillipa, my beautiful niece Scarlett, Dad and Bek, I’m sorry I can’t be with you in South Africa today, but please know that I am there in spirit. Thank you to Mon, Si, Mike and Doo for giving me the opportunity to come and say goodbye. Couzey Kate and all the rest of my friends and family thank you for your love and support. I love you all xxx 

Day 28 - Four Peas In A Pod

In the last week my little stars have come on so much! Every day they are all putting on a fantastic amount of weight and at the last look of their charts they were between 3lb 5oz (1.5kg) and 3lb 11oz (1.7kg). The extra prem clothes we’ve been dressing them in for the last couple of weeks are finally starting to fit rather than looking ridiculously over-sized :) Their skin has also changed a lot and they look much more like a term baby now, just super small but so cute! We have had a couple of infection scares with baby Ru, Josh and Zac but hopefully it’s nothing to serious. All three have been having a bit of difficulty breathing and there blood shows infection levels over the norm. It could just be something like a common cold for you and me but being so small there bodies find it difficult to cope. They have been put back on a small amount of oxygen and given antibiotics, so fingers crossed that will sort it out. 

I was lucky enough to get them all out for a cuddle last week. I was meaning to post these pics but with everything going on I didn’t get a chance. It was so amazing to see them together and it confirmed my thoughts that Ru could be an identical with Josh and Zac, he looks SO similar. 

I also just want to thank everyone who has been giving us support of all kinds over the last three weeks. Special mentions to the Bristol Twinsgroup for my care package and the lovely meals you have been delivering to St Michael's. Also to the UK Triplets and Quad group and Bristol Twins and Multiples for the tiny baby clothes you have all sent. You’re all amazing mummies thank you!!! 

 From left to right: Josh, Zac, Ru, Sam