WK:13: Day 3 - I'm Feeling So Tired

I really struggled with my nausea and tiredness today and work was almost unbearable. I always seem to reach a slump at about 2pm which ends up in me either having to put my head down on my desk or having to go into a meeting room to lie on the sofa for 10mins. Today was particularly bad and I had to go for a walk around the block to get some fresh air. I also had some horrible abdominal and back pains which I couldn't help worry about. When I keep being told what a high risk pregnancy this is, it’s going to be hard not to worry about the slightest niggle. I have been feeling great mentally after my healing session yesterday, but it only takes something small like this to make you question your body and make you feel bad again. I also told work today about the specialist advising that I’d probably need to stop work around 20 weeks. They seemed to really understand which I hope continues as it takes so much of the worry off me.

Something that I forget to mention yesterday about the specialist was that he measured me and said I was measuring about 17-20 weeks, so I’m about two months bigger than I should be with a singleton. I’ve already put on nearly a stone as well. (6.3kg)

WK13: Day 2 - Specialist Day

I had another good day today. Mart ended up sleeping on the floor last night as I seem to sleep better when he’s not in the bed. I felt really bad to start off with but I appreciated it so much and had a much better nights sleep!

The specialist obstetrician appointment went well. The doctor was not the specialist that I am booked in with as she is on holiday, but he was friendly enough and tried to answer as many questions as he could. He didn’t really tell me much more than I already know with regards to the likelihood of any of the risks I keep being told about actually happening or about nutritional needs and requirements. With regards to the food, he also said just eat a good amount of healthy food as the babies will take from me what they need. From what I`ve read, this is nothing like the advice that you are given in the USA. I am finding it quite hard to believe that I shouldn't been given some kind of calorie count or extra nutritional info on calorie intake and portions.

I’ll just have to trust my instincts again on this one. He wasn’t able to confirm a due date as he kept telling me anything could happen in the pregnancy which could change my needs and circumstances. It is most likely though to be March sometime as I thought, and it would be by c-section. He also confirmed that I would probably start finding work very difficult from about 20 weeks onwards (27th Dec) so it will just be a case of continuing with my fortnightly appointments which will be the deciding factor on the final date. It’s great to finally have some indication on this date. He also did a quick scan to check the heart beats. I was so scared when he went off to get the machine, but luckily everything was fine and we saw four little hearts beating away. I feel so attached to them all now! They were moving around a lot which was so sweet. He confirmed I would need to see a specialist every two weeks, so that means I’m now seeing three separate medical teams every two weeks, and that’s without physio or antenatal classes.

The team so far consists of my community midwife, a specialist sonographer and a specialist obstetrician. I went back to work feeling very calm and happy that I now have  a better indication of how the doctors want to run this pregnancy, which is just literally one step at a time. For me being the complete planaholic and organisational queen, it’s really hard for me to try and run it this way but unfortunately I am going to have to just go with the flow and let things happen organically when they’re meant to.

I went for a Kinesiology and Reiki session this evening which was lovely! It was emotional talking through my fears and emotions but also very grounding at the same time and really hoping that I will benefit from it as some very positive feelings and emotions came out of my time there.

WK13: Day 1 - Food Glorious Food

I had quite a good day today. I was awake loads last night, but it’s becoming a nightly occurrence now so it’s not so hard on me the next day. I can’t work out whether it’s the mattress that’s crap or whether i’m just getting bigger and more uncomfortable having to wake every couple of hours needing the loo and still sometimes needing to go downstairs for a middle of the night snack to help ease the nausea. I only had to venture to the toilet twice last night luckily. It makes me laugh as this is how I was when I was about 7 months pregnant with Luke!

Luke wasn’t in the mood for nursery today. To be honest he hasn’t liked going much at all lately. I’m a bit worried about him as he normally loves nursery and so suddenly crying every time I take him now is horrible for me! We have explained to him that Mummy is pregnant and it seems that he may be feeling it more than I realise. I have been around so little lately as well that he must feel a bit neglected by me. It’s going to be a challenge for all of us when the babies arrive so am going to do everything I can to make sure I still spend quality time with him. Unfortunately he is also going to have to go through the whole natural process of having all of our attention to now having to share it with someone else. In our case four someone elses. It’s going to be really hard for him, and for us! I feel very bad about it.

Besides the nausea I’m definitely in high spirits today! I’ve been eating loads, here’s just what I ate between 9-5 :)

2 Crumpets

cereal

8 crackers

grapes

smoothie

1 pastie

1 orange

tuna salad with egg and potato

bag of crisps

yoghurt

My energy lasted to about 3pm and then I just felt exhausted. If it continues like this I wonder how long I'm realistically going to last at work. I had coffee with a colleuge who’s due in a month and I couldn’t help feeling a little envious when she spoke about her baby. I’m trying to imagine how I would be feeling if I was carrying one and not four. She is so supportive, as is everyone else close to me whom I’ve told. I feel really blessed for that. I try my best at work to concentrate, but it’s so hard when I feel so tired. I also can’t stop thinking about the specialist appointment I have tomorrow. I wonder if they are going to be able to answer all the questions I have. I've not had very much luck so far. 

I was so glad to get home at the end of the day. It was amazing to see Mart and Lukes smiley welcoming faces. Mart really makes me feel happy. I couldn’t have asked for someone more loving and caring at a time like this. The house was all warm and my bed was ready for me to climb into. I spent some lovely quality time with Luke before I went to bed. He is so inspirational, I love the thought of another 4 of him playing and laughing together!

WK12: Day 7 - The Bump is Growing

After quite a difficult week, it’s nice to report that I’ve had a good weekend :) I woke up yesterday feeling like I really needed some time alone with Mart, and I think he felt the same. We were luckily able to leave Luke with a friend and go into town to spend some time together as well as look for some clothes for my rapidly growing belly. I desperately need a coat as it’s getting so cold but didn`t have much luck finding one, they are all so expensive. I just can’t justify spending £60 on something I am going to wear for a few months. My nausea has been a lot better this weekend as well. I’m still really tired but that also seems to be a bit more manageable, rather than the usual head in the hands tired.

We’ve spent a lot of time talking about all the things we are going to need and ways that we can utilise space in the house. We’re only in a two bed place, so we are going to need to move at some point, but for the meantime to save as much money as we can so it’s probably best if we stay where we are. I have been looking for 3 bed places in the area to get an idea on what’s out there, but there just doesn’t seem to be much available.

One of my dearest friends came round today and cooked us most amazing roast dinner. She also cooked some other meals to go in the freezer which was so kind! I really don’t know what I would do without my amazing friends, they are so good to us. Her little girl Naomi is one of Luke`s best buddies and he absolutely loves having her round to play. The house is usually chaos when the two of them get together!

Last but not least, here’s the weekly bump pic... I can’t believe how much I’m growing

 12 weeks pregnant

WK12: Day 5 - Twins & Multiples

I went to see my midwife today. The appointment was ok, not much to discuss with her really. She did the usual blood pressure and urine tests which were both fine. It’s quite clear that there’s no one with any multiple experience at my local surgery. They were the ones asking me the questions and looking at the scan’s rather than the other way round, it made me feel quite sad. As exciting as it is to say that I’m expecting quads, I didn’t realise how lonely the whole experience would be. There’s lots of people eager to ask questions but not many who are able to support me.

Mart picked up a double buggy today that I found on a great website called ‘Freecycle’ (the name says it all! a website for people to put up stuff that don’t want anymore). It coincidentally happens that the lady who’s buggy it was runs a Bristol Twins and Multiples group. Even better it’s about 5 mins walk from us. That’s such great news, at least I won’t have to go far when I eventually feel brave enough to venture out the house with them all! 

Mart’s had the week off potty training Luke which seems to have gone pretty well! I can’t imagine how potty training four is going to be! it makes me laugh just thinking about it.

I’m off to bed early again as I’m not much company for anyone!

WK12: Day 3 - Emotions are Running High

Wow what an emotional day today was! Luckily I woke up feeling better as I spent the whole of yesterday off work in bed. My migraine finally decided to subside in the afternoon after 72hours. Mart and I were up at the hospital at 9 am this morning to see the specialist sonographer. We spent the first half and hour or so in a room with him and the midwife running through the pregnancy again being asked the same questions on fertility treatment and whether anyone had spoken to us about the risks and the options we had. I’d been waiting for this bit... I wanted to point out my frustration of the fact that we hadn’t had any contact from the hospital for two weeks, which I thought was quite odd as I knew he was about to launch into risks and reduction. You really would think that if this is the route they encourage that it wouldn’t have taken someone two weeks from the first scan to sit us down and discuss this. It almost seems like a life time since the last scan two weeks ago, but I decided to keep my mouth shut as I do understand NHS hospitals and staff are busy and I’m very grateful for the care I receive. After making us aware of all the risks invloved in a multiple pregnancy he gave us the following options.

1. Termination of the whole pregnancy
2. Selective reduction (probably of the monochorionic pair)
3. Continue with the pregnancy and take it one step at a time.

It was a lot of information to take in in such a short space of time and even though we had read up about all of the risks he had brought up and decided to continue with the pregnancy prior to today, it was very emotional to have to be bombarded with it all in such a matter of fact fashion. I hoped nothing had changed in Martins head about the whole thing as I looked to him to get the reassurance I needed to confirm with the specialist that we had decided to go with ‘option 3’ as he had put it. He then went on to make sure I understood that all aspects of the care would be difficult including scanning and problems detecting growth restriction and malformations. He then spoke to me again about the risks of pre-eclampsia, anaemia and bleeding. We confirmed with him again that we would like to continue with the pregnancy so we went off for the scan.

The scan then presented its own emotional twists and turns. Quite soon into the scan the sonographer thought that he saw an empty sac so told us that ‘nature had taken its course’ I thought that’s what I heard him say so I quickly jumped on him asking him what exactly he’s meant by that. He said that one of the babies had died. I wasn’t ready for the way I reacted to this news. My body went numb and a wave of sadness washed through me. I started to cry (as quietly as possible) as I knew that this was going to be a possibility all along. As much as you mentally prepare yourself for these things, you can never tell how it’s really going to feel. It made me realise just how attached I was to these tiny little babies inside me already. I couldn't look at the screen after that. The thought of losing any of the others after seeing them wasn’t easy for me. Mart looked at me and stroked my hand, but also shook his head as if to say, it’s ok the baby is fine. Just as he did that the sonographer stopped and said ‘oh I’m really sorry I think I’ve made a mistake, here’s the fourth baby and it has a heartbeat’ he basically just couldn’t see the third sac and baby when he initially looked. What a flip of emotions in such a short space of time. The rest of the scan went fine. All babies roughly measure 59mm with all body parts appearing normal. Their nuchal translucency was also measured to screen them for Down Syndrome. These all came back as 1:4503 which is very good. 

We left feeling a mix of emotions. We are so happy that everything is ok, but it was such an emotional drain on the mind and body. I really hope we aren’t going to feel like this every time we go for a scan!

So here are the babies. The scan pics aren’t very good this time.

This is baby one who is lying on my lower left 

These are the twins who are both on my right 

Finally here’s number four who is above baby one on my left.

WK12: Day 1 - Migraine

I woke up today with the same splitting headache I had yesterday and last night and it’s not one of those headaches you can put up with either. I’ve been on the paracetamol pretty much constantly for the last 24hrs which I don't like as I'm not one to pop medicine unless I really need it. As it’s Monday I had to try and make it into work for the morning at least to pull the campaign reports from the system for our client calls! The only thing that kept me going is the thought that I have my 12 week scan on Wed. I’m really looking forward to seeing the babies again. It almost doesn’t seem real as the last scan was such a shock and still in a bit of a daze! I decided to tell work today that I'm carrying quads. What a reaction!!! I have never seen so many shocked faces. Now that it’s sunk in a little bit for me it’s amazing to see the way people react when they first hear quads. I was asked my favourite question again, ‘So did you have IVF’ I think I'm going to get a t-shirt made so I don't have to keep repeating the same thing over and over again.

I feel another sense of calm and peace with this pregnancy now by sharing it with people at work. It’s quite a big step to acceptance of the whole thing. I had to leave the office and go to the NHS drop in centre at midday as my headache was still really bothering me. They checked my urine and blood pressure and everything seemed to be fine, so there’s nothing they could do. I went home and ended up back at the doctor at 6pm this evening feeling even worse. It`s definitely a migraine rather than a headache and I keep wondering if I'm lacking something in my diet, but I can’t think what as I`ve been making a concerted effort to get all the right nutrients and drink plenty of water. Who knows when there are so many little ones trying to get the right nutrients to grow inside me? The doctor was lovely and reassured me that migraines are quite common in pregnancy and that unfortunately they don’t really know why they happen. She prescribed me some codeine which is the least ‘offensive’ of the strong painkillers. It’s the one least likely to cause birth defects so in small quantities it should be fine.